Bachelor, toddler seek common ground

Last week my sister asked me to watch my 1.5-year-old niece Lula for a couple days. I was nervous about this because:
1) I never changed a diaper before
2) As a bachelor, my prior highest level of responsibility was keeping my home-brewed beer at the appropriate fermenting temperature
3) I couldn't imagine what I would have in common with a 1.5-year-old child.

I always suspected taking care of a small child was akin to taking care of a tiny, needy, narcissistic drunk person.

It turns out I was right about that.

But it also happens little Lula and I have quite a bit in common:

We both love crackers, hot dogs and Mac 'n' Cheese.

We're both in the 95th percentile in weight for our age.
Could be that has to do with the aforementioned dietary preferences.

We both make this face for about an hour
after waking from naptime.

We have similar taste in television programming.

Social media is neither "social" nor "media"

With all the recent consternation about Facebook’s format change on top of Google+ opening its membership to the public this week, I thought I’d take a moment to familiarize the uninitiated with the nuances of major social networks:

Google+

Defining characteristic(s): You can compartmentalize people you don’t like into one group and call it “jerk circle.”

Reason(s) to stay: Google will own us all one day, anyway; Google is a funny word.

Reason(s) to leave: Hello? Is anyone there?

Twitter

Defining characteristic(s): People who think they’re funnier than they are. Celebrities. Celebrities who think they’re funnier than they are (this isn’t redundant; celebrities aren’t real people).

Reason(s) to stay: Having "followers" makes you feel like Jesus. Women saying things about oral sex they’d never actually say out loud. Charlie Sheen.

Reason(s) to leave: The hashtag lexicon and 140-character limit have added a new level of absurdity to webspeak, which is an already-absurd perversion of the English language. Soon street signs will be emoticons.

Facebook

Defining characteristic(s): Being "friends" with people who never talked to you in high school; format change every six months; Farmville.

Reason(s) to stay: Every new Internet meme, reposted by 37% of your friends. If someone on YouTube is taking a shot to the groin, you'll be sure to see it.

Reason(s) to leave: Being "friends" with people who never talked to you in high school; format change every six months; Farmville.